Recently I read an interesting post on Instagram Threads.
This woman was 29 years old, had no romantic relationship or children, and was starting a new career she didn't enjoy.
She asked, "Why is it so socially normalized that we need to be 100% put together by 30?"
As I read through some of the replies, they were mostly ones of encouragement. In a nutshell, they told her that she was fine where she was at and didn't need to compare herself to others and that everyone's path was unique.
These are very nice-sounding platitudes, but they don't help people.
To address her question, it's not possible to be 100% put together at any age or stage in life.
So back to the main question of this blog, which I believe has some nuance.
If you think or feel you are behind in life or one area of your life, you likely are.
Your brain and gut are telling you that something is off.
She asked this question because she feels and knows that something is off with her life. Her biological clock is ticking and letting her know that she is running out of time to do what her body is made to do.
This is not to say that women are baby-making machines. Not at all. But having children is one of women's incredible capabilities and duties. And women's bodies are made to carry and have children and adapt to the changes that come with having children.
As humans, we are hard-wired to pair up long-term with someone of the opposite sex that we love, are compatible with, and are attracted to and have multiple children with them.
So internally she feels these pressures.
However, there are also external pressures.
Most women in history were already wives and mothers by age 29; she is neither of these. This means she is behind the average at large. Even if we look only look at the United States before the First World War to the modern day, she is still behind. So she looks around at those around her and those who have come before her and realizes that the things that matter most, she lacks.
So what does this mean for you?
Let's say, for example, you are a 30-year-old man and want to be a husband and father, but are still single and childless. That is okay and you need to know that it doesn't make you a bad person, but you need to take stock. There is something wrong with you based on historical standards.
You need to have an honest conversation with those around you and yourself. Ask the hard and uncomfortable questions. Figure out why you are single and adjust.
It's not that good women no longer exist, it is that they do not want you. Why is that?
Are your standards too high? Do you have bad hygiene? Are you actively trying to ask women out or do you simply stand there looking at them?
Figure it out and adjust accordingly and honestly.
What if you are a 25-year-old woman who knows you want to be married and have children, but are still single and childless? This is also okay. But you need to take stock and know that time isn't on your side.
On average, according to The Knot, before engagement, people tend to date for two years, before they decide to get engaged.
So that means if you found someone TODAY, you aren't looking at an engagement until you are 27.
Also, according to The Knot, the average engagement is 15 months; thich would put you at 28 or 29 years old.
You need to get a move on because at 30, women have only a 20% every month of getting pregnant.
Ask yourself and your loved ones why they think you are single. Do this honestly. Ask the tough questions.
It's not that good men don't exist anymore. It's that they don't want you. Why is that?
As a side note to heterosexual women, most men find most women attractive and most men are okay with most body shapes. So it's probably not your looks.
Are your standards too high? Are you mean? Are you approachable? Do guys ask you out but you never give any of them a shot?
The lesson from this post is that whenever that question arises inside of you, there is probably something you know is not right.
Dig into the question. Analyze the problem area. Address accordingly and honestly.
Until next time...
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