How To Handle Non-Negotiables In Dating

Here's a story from my past. For her and her family's privacy, names and details will be withheld.

I used to date this girl when I was younger.

She was smart, pretty, fun, talkative, loyal, a great confidant, and more. I got along with her mom and dad very well. I also got along with her friends.

The relationship really had no issues aside from the occasional arguments over rather trivial matters.

But one day, there was a local tragedy that involved children.

We were cuddling with each other after having sex, but I could tell she wasn't mentally present.

I asked her what was wrong, and she shared that she was fine.

However, she had the same tell as her mom when she was lying.

Her pale white face burned red, and she buried her face in one of her pillows to try and hide from my gaze.

I decided not to force conversation and wait a couple of days.

After a couple of days had gone by, we went for a walk and I asked her what was going on in her head.

She stopped walking and stared at the ground with tears in her eyes.

"Solomon, I don't know if I want to have children anymore. This world is so awful and I don't think I can do it. I'm so sorry."

She knew how important kids were to me and she told me when we first got together how important having children was to her.

To be blunt, this confession was a gut punch to me. I certainly wasn't ready for it.

As her words echoed in my ears, all I could do was stare at her blankly for what felt like an eternity.

I was looking forward to introducing this girl to my siblings and my parents. And I was certain I was going to pop the question a few months later.

I walked over to her with a heavy heart and just hugged her where she stood. She wept and apologized profusely.

When she was ready to start walking again, we walked in silence. Hand in hand.

Everything in me was telling me to try and talk her out of her decision and downplay her concerns. But as much as it hurt, I knew manipulation was not the answer.

No one deserves to be manipulated.

Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at our destination and sat across from each other.

She wouldn't meet my gaze as I said her name because she felt so guilty.

After about 10 minutes, she looked up at me, expecting me to berate her and unleash my anger on her.

I agreed with her the story was absolutely tragic and she had every right to have those concerns and fears.

I also told her I was thankful for her honesty.

"You easily could have led me on and tried to pretend to want something you aren't actually sure on."

We sat in silence for a bit more and then we returned to where we met up at earlier in the day.

We agreed that staying in a relationship with each other was unwise because we knew whenever the topic or idea of kids would come up, manipulation and resentment would try to rear its ugly head.

We also knew that trying to stay in contact with each other was not wise because we would just get back together immediately after talking again.

We kissed a final time, hugged each other as tight as humanly possible, and deleted each other's numbers.

We parted paths and never spoke to or saw each other again.

When you are at an impasse in your relationship on a very big issue like marriage or children or lifestyle, trying to manipulate the other person is never the answer.

If your person doesn't want something and you do, whichever path you go down, resentment and bitterness will be present. It's inevitable.

I look at my life now as a husband to a woman who wanted the same things I wanted and father to a 6-month-old son, I look back on my past self and say "Thank You".

While it is painful in the moment to end the relationship, the future version of yourself will thank you.